i know better than to play with fire but
by madetohealxx
Summary: Five times Gansey kissed Blue, and the one time she kissed him back.


01.

Blue and Gansey were driving back down the mountain after _pretending_ , _just once_ in a comfortable silence. Blue watched the world outside speed by them- trees and rocks and oh so many stars- as her thoughts of warm hands and minty breaths and oh so soft touches sped inside her. At the first relatively straight and safe part of the road, Gansey reached across the seat and touched Blue's hand, just for a moment, before returning his own hand to the gear shift.

Blue thought again about how none of this was fair. It wasn't fair that Gansey's death is what led her to him, it wasn't fair that the boy who wanted to kiss her wasn't the boy she wanted to kiss, and it definitely was not fair that this Gansey, this thoughtful, curious boy who understood her like no one else, was right here next to her but so far out of reach. _Screw fair_ , she thought, as she placed her hand over his.

The world paused, or at least the world inside the Pig did. Without thinking, before either of them could even take a breath, Gansey lifted her hand to his lips. One kiss, the touch of his lips barely there against her knuckles, and then the world unpaused and their hands were stacked again on the gear shift, where they stayed for the rest of the drive.

02.

After thanking Jesse again, Blue and Gansey left the house to walk back to the Pig. It was fully dark outside now, and the orange car was barely visible parked in Jesse's driveway behind the space where the Fox Way Ford had been. As they walked past what looked like an overturned pot and some plants left loosely on the ground, Blue froze. Gansey, who had been trying to clandestinely hover over her, stopped beside her, hand outstretched but not quite touching her shoulder. "Jane?"

He was close enough to see she was trembling, but when he reached for her she was already gone, halfway to the Camaro. He caught up to her at the passenger door and gently laid a hand on her arm. "Blue, what happened?"

She spun and buried her face in his chest, taking him by surprise. Gansey could feel her shaking now as he wrapped his arms around her. They stayed that way, wrapped up in each other, Gansey breathing in the mingling scents of dirt from Jesse's yard and the herb scents he thinks of as Fox Way and just Blue, until she felt steadier in his arms.

Blue pulled away from Gansey's shoulder, just enough for him to make out her face in the semi-darkness left by Jesse's porchlight. "Noah. That was where he... Where he disappeared, I guess. He scared me half to death today."

Gansey cupped her face in his hands and laid a kiss to her forehead. He pulled her back into his arms and relished in the feel of her relaxing against him. His voice was hoarse when he whispered, "You scared me half to death today," against her hair.

They stood in the quiet of Jesse Dittley's yard for another minute, Gansey hyperaware of Blue's warm breath against his collarbone and her spiky hair beneath his cheek and her body pressed against his.

It was Blue who reluctantly pulled away first. "We should get back to Fox Way. Everyone will be waiting and we have news."

Gansey nodded. He would spend the rest of the night in this yard with her if he could, but they both knew that wasn't allowed. He reached past Blue to open the passenger door. "Shall we, then?"

Her fingers trailed down his shoulder and arm to the palm of his hand. Gansey shivered against the sensation. She kissed her fingertips before touching them to the corner of his mouth. "Jane," he whispered, coming undone from her soft touch.

"I know," she whispered back, moving past him to get in the car. Gansey already missed the warmth of her in his arms.

03.

In Henrietta it was the dead of winter, but in Cabeswater it was a perfect spring afternoon. Blue and Gansey were lounging in a grassy clearing, his head on her lap. They could hear the others laughing somewhere in the distance, but their little meadow was calm and quiet, broken only by Blue's humming as she worked on the flower crown in her hands.

When they had first settled in the clearing, Blue had taken Gansey's bag to use as a pillow, so he had retaliated by using her lap as one for himself. They had lain in silence, breathing in Cabeswater's sweet spring air and watching the clouds drift by. Blue's fingers were itching to card through Gansey's hair, but she held them out to her sides, refusing to give in. She dug her fingers into the grass, willing it to occupy her hands the way she wanted Gansey to, and came up with a handful of small, bright flowers.

Blue sat up, poking at Gansey's shoulder when he groaned his complaints and shifting until they were both comfortable again. She looked down at Gansey's face- his eyes were closed and he looked so serene, a king basking in the sunshine of his magic forest, that it took her breath away. The flowers next to them sprouted in shades of orange, and as Blue noticed them they shifted to the pinky-red she was sure her cheeks were glowing.

She picked a few of her favorites and started to weave them together into a daisy chain. Gansey scrunched up his nose against the petals and leaf bits that were littering his face and squinted up at Blue, turning him from the king back into the boy she was far too fond of. He lifted his head to see where Blue was getting the flowers from, then closed his eyes and settled back down in her lap. The grin on his face bloomed perfectly in sync with the flowers in a dozen shades of brilliant blue all around them. She poked at his shoulder again, but giggled when a few more shades of blue appeared on her other side.

Blue worked on her flower crown and hummed something that sounded too much the Murder Squash song while Gansey snuck glances at her and sabotaged the crown's color scheme. Blue retaliated by dropping more petals and humming even louder.

Once Blue finished the crown, the petal fight escalated into an all-out war. After several minutes of laughing, shouting, and chasing each other around the clearing, Gansey breathlessly surrendered to Blue. While she danced around and sang her victory song, Gansey knelt and rummaged through his bag for a bottle of water. Blue approached him, still singing softly, and watched him tilt his head back and take a long drink from the bottle, her eyes caught on the arch of his throat. She ran her fingers through his hair and took the bottle from him, finishing it off with a long drink of her own.

Blue dropped the empty bottle onto his bag and kept playing with his hair, using her nails to scratch softly at the short hairs on the nape of his neck. He leaned his head forward until he was resting against her, his breath hot through her t-shirt. Blue bent forward and scooped up the flower crown, delicately keeping one hand perched on the spot where his neck met his shoulder, her fingers dipping under the collar of his shirt.

She placed the flower crown on Gansey's head, then slowly knelt to mirror him, her fingers trailing down his temple and across his jaw.

"Jane, what are we doing?" He whispered it against her fingers.

She softly rubbed her fingertips over his lips. "What if I don't want to pretend anymore?"

Her eyes were locked on his mouth, and his eyes were locked on hers. "And your curse?"

Her eyes darted to his then back to his lips. "I won't kiss you." She hesitated, swallowed. "Just to be safe."

Gansey thought about it for a moment.

"You don't have to-"

Gansey put his hands on her waist and pulled her toward him, effectively cutting off Blue's backpedaling. He ducked his head to nuzzle at her throat, sighing against her skin when she tilted her head back in invitation. He kissed up her jaw to the spot just behind her ear until she gasped, then leaned back enough to look her in the eye, flower crown askew but matching the smile on his face. "I want to."

04.

Gansey walked back into the main room at Monmouth Manufacturing from the kitchen/bathroom/laundry, two bowls of popcorn in his hands. He surveyed his friends- Adam sprawled on the couch and leaning back against Ronan, whose hand was tangled in Adam's hair, to Noah sitting on the floor in front of Gansey's bed, fiddling with one of the miniature buildings while Blue, already curled up on Gansey's pillows, sketched circles on his neck with her fingers. He beamed at them all for a moment, until Ronan's sharp whistle brought him back to earth.

"I'm glad to see you so eager to start on the assignment," Gansey remarked dryly, handing one of the bowls off the Adam as he made his way toward the bed.

Ronan grabbed a handful of the popcorn and stuffed as much of it into his mouth as he could, tossing the last few pieces in Noah's direction for Chainsaw to hunt down. "I was mostly eager for you to stop leering at us."

Gansey gave him the finger, something that Ronan always told him looked mildly ridiculous coming from a boy named Richard Campbell Gansey III, and gave the other bowl to Blue so he could climb onto the bed behind her. He tried to position himself so he was touching Blue just the right amount, figuring there had to be a compromise between how much he wanted to be touching her and how much he was comfortable touching her with Ronan and Adam right there while they were all theoretically doing homework. Calculating this took longer than expected, especially with the complication of Blue being in his bed.

Ronan finally chimed in. "If you're done sewing your chastity sack over there," he cut off with a gasping laugh when Adam elbowed him in the ribs.

Gansey and Blue both blushed. Adam studiously did not look at the two of them as he started the movie, so Gansey used the opportunity to shift closer to Blue.

Gansey had seen this version of _Hamlet_ before, so he only half paid attention to it, letting the rest of his awareness focus on Blue. He traced small patterns over her arm, entranced by the way her muscles shifted as she played with Noah's hair or shivered from Gansey's touch. At one point he realized he hadn't seen the last several minutes of the movie and guiltily glanced over at Ronan and Adam. Ronan's eyes were closed and his breathing was even, but Adam was watching the screen, taking the occasional note while still toying with the leather bands on Ronan's wrist.

Blue shifted in front of him, bringing his attention back to her. She stretched, reaching for the popcorn bowl, and Gansey ran his fingers over the exposed skin where her shirt rode up. He took Blue's shakily indrawn breath as an invitation, and slowly moved his hand up, under the hem of her shirt. His world narrowed to soft skin under his fingers. Gansey stopped with his hand resting on her ribcage, his fingertips just brushing the bottom of her bra, and leaned forward to kiss the nape of her neck.

Blue sighed softly and covered his hand with hers, the thin fabric of her shirt sandwiched between them. He scraped his teeth lightly over the skin where her shoulder met her throat, and Blue's hand tightened on his. Gansey kissed her again, following the line of her throat up to her jaw. He felt more than heard her gasp when he lifted his hand another inch and brushed his fingers along the underside of her breasts.

Her gasp turned into a choking cough when Noah turned around to glare at them. He mouthed "Get a room," and Blue stuck her tongue out at him. Looking satisfied that he had ruined the moment, Noah went back to watching the movie.

Blue glanced at Adam and Ronan then back to Gansey. "Sorry," she whispered.

Gansey shrugged and tried to settle back in to watch the end of the movie. They both squirmed a bit, trying to be close but not _distractingly_ close, and when they were still again Blue was lacing their fingers together, his hand trapped between both of hers.

He pressed a kiss to her shoulder and smiled.

05.

"Come on Jane, I know it's a weird sexist tradition, but I still think you should come to the prom with me." Gansey had been trying to convince her all week, to no avail. He trailed behind her up the stairs into Monmouth Manufacturing after an evening spent doing things that were not searching for Glendower. (Blue had informed him that searching for dead Welsh kings was not a date activity. Gansey had been quite surprised by this news, to the shock of absolutely no one.)

"No thank you."

"Noah's even talked Ronan and Adam into going, so we can bribe the DJ into playing an Irish jig and force Ronan to dance for us!" Blue pursed her lips and shook her head. He wasn't sure if she really didn't want to go or if she wanted to be talked into it at this point. "Why not? Even if," he swallowed. Talking about _them_ always made him nervous, especially since they had agreed on not discussing the future as college, curses, and kings could complicate even the steadiest of relationships. "Even if this isn't forever, don't you think it would be fun?"

Blue ignored him and let herself into the apartment.

He narrowed his eyes at her. Blue was avoiding him now, flitting around the main room of Monmouth and refusing to meet his eyes at every turn. "You can make your dress! I'd even consider letting you make my tux! Just come to the dance Blue." She continued to evade him, even as he moved closer to her. "Come on, just do this thing for-"

He reached for her hand, but at his touch she jumped as though she'd been shocked and blurted out, "We can't go to prom Gansey, you'll be lost by then!" She looked like she regretted the words even as they left her mouth. "That's not, Gansey, that's not what I meant." Blue reached for his hand, but he took a step back from her.

 _The problem with consorting with psychics_ , Gansey thought, _is that they can confirm your irrational fears are not so irrational after all_. "Then what did you mean?" He retreated behind his politician mask, the one he knew she hated most. "Blue?"

She took a deep breath and looked like she was trying to steel herself the way he had seen Maura do when delivering a difficult reading. "You can't unknow this, Gansey," she told him. She tried to make her voice as gentle as she could, but it still wavered.

His insides coalesced into a lump of dread that he was having trouble breathing past. "Tell me."

She hesitated, then sighed, her shoulders drooping. "We saw your ghost, on the corpse road. That means you're going to die this year and I can't..."

He sucked in a deep breath and sat down heavily on his bed. He had spent so long denying that this could be true, but her confirmation sunk home. "Who else knows?"

"Everyone at Fox Way. Mr. Gray. Noah." Blue hesitated again. "Adam."

Gansey looked up sharply. "Ronan?"

"No, no." Blue shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself. "He's already lost so much, we didn't want..."

Gansey put his head in his hands. _Of course, of course, he was going to die and everyone's biggest concern was Ronan's feelings._ It was an unfair thought, but he couldn't bring himself to care at the moment.

"We didn't want you to worry about him. You already do so much."

"Oh." He looked back up at her. "We?"

"Me and Adam." Blue's voice was empty and uncertain. "He figured it out when we told you all about the death list. I'm sorry, I just." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "So that's why I said no." She was still keeping her distance from him. He felt more lost than he had in years.

"No prom then. No graduation. No college. No Glendower?" His voice cracked.

"I don't know. When we find him, we want to use the favor to save you, but we don't really know how it's going to work." Their voices sounded too quiet in the open space of the factory, especially with their hesitations eating at the words.

He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath. When he opened them again he was more composed, more professorial. "When?"

Blue didn't answer.

"Blue, when?" he asked more sharply.

"I don't know," she responded in a small voice.

"You must have an idea."

"I don't." She trailed off and squeezed her eyes shut. "Probably a week day, because you were wearing your uniform. It was raining. And it will be before the end of April." A tear trailed down her cheek.

"You saw me?" She nodded, eyes still closed. His voice shifted, his curiosity overriding everything else. "I thought you don't see things."

Blue opened her eyes and blinked back more tears. "I don't. The only reason a non-seer would see a ghost on the corpse road is because they're your true love or you killed them. Or," she added, trying to smile, " in my case, probably both." He reached for her hand again, but she shook her head. "I'm so sorry, Gansey," she whispered.

She turned and half-ran to Noah's room, closing the door behind her. Blue leaned her forehead against the solid wood of the door, closing her eyes against the dark room and the dim light coming in through the window. She told herself to breathe, that she was being needlessly cruel to Gansey, that if nothing else she should be letting him have a private meltdown instead of having one of her own in his home, but none of her admonitions could get her to open the door again. She could hear Gansey moving around in the other room, but only faintly. She lost track of time standing in the dark, concentrating on her breathing.

When Gansey knocked softly on the other side of the door, Blue took a deep breath. She very briefly debated whether or not to open the door, but in the end decided on being brave. "Okay," she called softly through the wood. "One second." She scrubbed her face on her sleeve, took another deep breath, and opened the door. Gansey was standing in front of her, softly silhouetted by the dimmed lights of his apartment. She could hear music coming softly from somewhere behind him.

When she stepped forward, Gansey bowed and held out a hand to her. "May I have this dance?" Blue looked into his eyes, trying to decide what he wanted from her. In the end, she nodded and placed her hand in his. They slow danced around and through Gansey's Henrietta, watching their feet and very carefully not speaking. When the song ended, Gansey continued to hold her but broke the silence.

"It's a promise, Blue, not a guarantee, right?" She nodded slowly. "Even if it was a guarantee though, I don't regret this. I don't regret you. You, Blue Sargent, are amazing. I had seven extra years thanks to Glendower and those years brought me magic and family and a home and you." He kissed her temple and they resumed dancing.

After a brief silence, Blue eyed him thoughtfully. "You're taking this news much better than I expected," she said.

"I think." He trailed off, hesitating while the song transitioned. "I think a part of me has known, since the recording. I just didn't want it to be true. I didn't want to go anywhere, not when I've finally found you all." He pressed another kiss to her forehead. "So let's make the most of the time we have left. I'm not saying we should give up without a fight. I'm not walking away. But if it is going to end, if this story isn't meant to keep going, then so be it. We'll just have to fit as much into the time we have as we possibly can."

Blue nodded again and nuzzled his jaw, letting the music and the lights and his arms around her be all that mattered for tonight.

06.

"I'm ready Blue." Gansey was standing in front of the Pig, arms crossed.

She wasn't ready, she didn't think she ever would be, but she wasn't going to give up what might be her only chance either. Blue stepped forward and took his face in her hands, pulling him down so she could press her forehead against his. "You had better come back to me," she whispered.

Gansey flattened his hand over her heart. "I'll always be right here, Blue, I promise."

Blue took a steadying breath and leaned forward, pressing her lips against his. She ran her tongue over Gansey's lips, pushing him backward toward the car when he gasped into her mouth and pulling at his sweater, unhurriedly untucking the shirt he wore under it and running her hands over his stomach.

Gansey stumbled against the car's bumper. He glanced behind him, but Blue's tug on his belt buckle brought his attention back to her. Gansey smiled down at her, his eyes wild and so alive. He kissed her again and put his hands on her waist so he could pick her up. Blue's laugh was vibrant and free as Gansey spun her, and then he was sitting on the hood of the Camaro with Blue kneeling over him, straddling his lap.

Blue kissed his throat and jaw and face, always returning to his lips though, to whisper her pleas into his mouth. These kisses were slower and deeper, but no less urgent. Gansey's hands were roaming over Blue's body, fingers poking into the artful holes in her dress to see how few layers he could have between the two of them. After several fruitless attempts at getting through to her skin, Blue groaned in frustration and grabbed Gansey's hand, bringing it to her open collar.

Blue sighed into his mouth when Gansey spread his hand over her chest, fingers dipping under the thin fabric of her bra. Behind Blue, someone cleared their throat. Gansey moved his hands up to cup Blue's face but otherwise ignored the intrusion until Blue whimpered quietly.

"Blue," he whispered. "Blue, don't cry."

She pressed her forehead against his and took a shaky breath.

He kissed her again, soft and sweet, the way she had wanted him to kiss her for months now. "This isn't the end Blue, it's to be continued."

Blue nodded and awkwardly shuffled off Gansey's lap, but Adam was there to catch her when she stumbled.

"Sorry to interrupt, but everything's ready. We have to go."

Blue nodded again, not trusting herself to speak yet.

She watched Gansey hop off the car and put himself back together, touching a finger to her kiss swollen lips and wondering again if she was doing the right thing. Gansey caught her staring and took her hand, pressing a kiss to her fingertips. He quizzed Ronan on the supplies he had been sent to collect while Blue collected herself and then the five of them stood in a loose circle, four pairs of eyes trained on Gansey, waiting for his signal.

Gansey smiled at each of them in turn. "Excelsior," Gansey said with a nod, and led them into the woods.


End file.
